Grasping Meaning

I have spent my last three months working day in and day out with the mentally ill. 

When I was first hired, deep down I was scared as heck going into this job. I knew that I was placed in the position for a reason; however, truly I did not grasp why I was chosen. However, by the grace of God—I made it through… and loved (almost) every moment of it. 

My last day of work was earlier this week, and reminiscing on the memories this job gave me is slightly overwhelming. 

Although I saw many shocking actions and events this summer, (and always had a story for my mom and dad at the end of the day); I was taught more lessons about life and myself, than I thought a job could ever teach me.

So this is where it gets raw and real, as I share with you some of my biggest lessons from this summer. 

First off-- we are not defined by our setbacks, and the mentally ill are not defined by their illness. Bob is not the schizophrenic, nor is Jill just the bipolar. Each of the people in my facility had a story—and although I came across many heartbreaking stories, there were so many stories of hope as well. There is so much more to these people than just their diagnosis. They are our children, our spouses, our friends, the people who serve us dinner at our favorite restaurant, our doctor, our neighbor, the actor in our favorite movie, the musicians who perform our favorite song, and so on. 

Secondly-- some of these people who struggle are quite obvious, and others are well-hidden—suffering alone, with strong stigmas that prevent them from getting the help needed. Although both equally painful states to be in-- many times we as “sane” individuals, group the obviously “un-sane” into a category of those who are outcasts, abandoned, and unworthy. This is the furthest from the truth. Although these individuals struggle, they are just like you and I. These people have a beating heart which feels, and lungs which soak up the same air. So many of my clients vocalized to me the same things—they feel that they are not good enough, that they are unloved and unlovable, that they are insignificant, that they have no purpose in this life. I was always shocked hearing these statements, but would always remind the individual that they are valuable, they are loved and lovable, that they are special, and they are in this world for a purpose. After telling people these statements, what struck me was that many of these people had never heard these truths before; not from a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend. Even more haunting, a co-worker told me-- “the love we give these individuals might be the only love they have ever felt or will feel”. Every person deserves love, not just the people who are easy to love. I had to show dignity in the times which it was hardest to give. This summer I had to learn to love the woman who cussed me out daily, I had to learn to love the person who altered moods every hour, I had to learn to love the man who tried to hit on me every time we spoke, I had to learn to love the people who tried to harm others, I had to learn to love each person I was around; not because of what they did or did not do—but because they deserved the same grace and love which I am given daily. 

Third-- I learned that my problems are really not that big in perspective of the issues others face. My car may break down, my mom and I may get in an argument, I may find out that a boy sucks—but I really don’t have it that bad. I am actually pretty damn blessed. Seeing the hardships many of my patients face daily made me realize that no matter what situation I may be in, there is always one person struggling more than me. The world is not all about me, nor is it all about you. Neither you nor I are in the center of the universe, and sorry to break it to you hunny, we will never be—it is as simple as that. 

Lastly-- I was shown truly how much power there is in the name of Jesus. Although I worked in a secular environment, and never openly spoke about my relationship with Him—Jesus showed up daily. Working in a setting where you are constantly pouring into others in such a deep way is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining—however because of Him I was always refreshed and rejuvenated. After every good day, all the glory to God; after every bad day, all the glory to God. 

As I have stated in my previous post, my summer verse was Matthew 25:40, "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' I have truly grasped the meaning of this verse—and I am so thankful for the ways it changed my life this summer.

Valiantly Loving

The most common question a college student is asked is: “what is your plan now?” While this question is equally exhilarating and nerve-wreaking, I was asked it over and over and over again before leaving for summer break. 

I had dreamt all semester long about having a “big-kid” internship in a fancy office in the city—yet wasn’t successful in landing any of those positions. While disappointed about not getting those opportunities, I was still hopeful. I knew that God had a plan, and that there were things and people I needed to take care of in Seattle. 

Fast-forwarding, I came home and began the mad-goose hunt chase for a summer job. One may ask, where does a qualified, yet desperate college student find a job—hey you guessed it, Craigslist! I applied to literally every job which I thought I was eligible for. From being a barista (don’t worry, not the bikini kind) to an administrative assistant. I was confident that I would land a job, just not sure which one it would be. 

I waited. And waited. And waited a little more. Jobs called, yet once they found out I was a student back for a short summer, they told me that I was “just not the right candidate”. And finally, I got a call that changed everything. 

When the lady on the phone asked if I wanted an interview I was thrilled, however quite honestly could not quite remember applying for the job. I jotted down the information quickly about the position, and thanked my future employer for her time and said that I would see her the following week. 

After ending the phone call, I immediately Googled the facility and the job I applied for. When on the telephone, I was under the impression that the job was at a clinic—and after investigation I found out it was indeed a clinic, however the main purpose of the institution was to be an in-patient psychiatric facility. 

On reading about the center, I became nervous and questioned calling my future boss back to cancel the appointment. However, when I found out exactly what the job entailed I decided that I was indeed qualified and that I would feel the job out on my interview date. 

“I had previously been a Psychology major in school… I have been an RA for the past two years... I am a proud food handler’s card holder… I attain my First Aid/CPR certification... I am great with diversity, team work, and communication ... I enjoy fast-paced environments and learning quickly… I am passionate about people.” And like that my interview was over. 

I had no idea truly how the interview went; however at the end my future boss asked if I would like a tour of the facilities. I was excited and soon the tour began. She first began by telling me that all doors are to be remained locked at all times, and that facility will have a passpoint/key to doors which must be closed behind them (this included the main front door). Then she went on to tell me that the room which we had been having our interview in was the courtroom. In this room all official meetings occurred, however since all patients are court-mandated to the facility all of their court hearings also took place there. As we left the room, we walked down a long white hallway. Suddenly I became really nervous, and knew that I had no idea what I was about to see. Finally we approached a large metal door, and when we got here she explained that when opening this door you must always look through glass window first and look into the mirror to make sure no one is hiding behind the door. When walking through the door I saw all of the patients for the first-time. There was an array of individuals. There were people who looked like zombies; however there were also people that looked like I could have seen them at the grocery store. There were individuals from almost every age, background, and social economic-level. As we walked through the unit, although deep down I was nervous, I kept up a very good front and continued communication with my tour-guide. We walked past the kitchen, nurse’s station, outside recreational area, main communal gathering place, meeting rooms, bathrooms, and bedrooms. Finally I got the tour of the seclusion room, as well as the gurney which patients are brought on when they come into the facility. I was in culture-shock. I had never been in a mental hospital, nor had been around so many individuals who were mentally ill. 

I drove home in a sort-of daze, and upon arrival I discussed my experience with my mom. I was very much on the fence about taking the job. I knew that the only way I could absolutely know would to be in constant prayer about it—and if I was to be offered the job, have a heart that was not heavy. So that is exactly what I did. Finally my future boss called me, and I was in a place that I knew was right. 

I announced to specific friends and family where I would be working, and while some were supportive—others were not. I knew that they were looking into my best interest—yet still took the job.

I have been working as a Psych Tech for 3 days now, and I could not be happier that I took the position. I have already learned more than I have ever learned about mental illness, perspectives have shifted, and I can truly say that my heart has already been changed because of some of the patients which I have come across. 

This blog is a dedication. 

This blog is a dedication for not only for the heartbreaking stories which I come across daily, but also the stories of hope which I know are possible. 

This blog is a dedication for the one in four adults who suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. 

My main purpose for this page is to communicate a message of valiantly loving everyone, not just the individual who seems “normal” or “sane”.  I named this blog 25:40 from the verse Matthew 25:40, "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' 

As believers, this world is our mission field. We are called to love not just our brothers and sisters overseas, but also our brothers and sisters in our own back yard. With that—I am not telling you to also go and work at a psychiatric facility, instead I am asking for prayer. Prayer for me, prayer for patients who will be coming in and out of this treatment center this summer, and prayer for anyone who is struggling with a mental illness. There is so much power in the name of Jesus.